Behind the words

It has almost become a routine to scroll down post after post on Tumblr/ Facebook/Blogger/ Twitter/ etc... seeing what people reblog or post themselves. And sometimes, it’s hard not to stop and read something someone has written and just feel like this person, somewhere out there in the world, was speaking to you. That a random stranger knew exactly how you were feeling or going through, and knew what words to say to make you feel better and wrote them down just because they knew that your eyes would eventually see them.

And don’t you sometimes want to meet these people behind the words, whoever they are. To maybe to say thanks for helping you get through something or to find the person whose words touched your soul or made you think about things you would never think about. Maybe to even see if this person is similar to the person who wrote down the words that you read.

Truth is, I have read enough on here to make me realize how many insightful, inspiring, intelligent, wise, quirky, loving, funny, relatable and good hearted people out there in this world. But behind the words, are people who walk away from their keyboards and just living life. That a stranger that we may never meet manage to touch our lives and they may never know it.

Broken

I never want to look weak. I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. And I don’t want to burden anyone else with the problems and demons that I have face everyday. But truth is, I don’t want to admit it to myself how broken I am. How defeated I am in what seems like an endless war against all the monsters that have come to haunt me in life; a war that I’m losing so tragically.

I never wanted to be this person who seemed to been dealt a bad hand. This person who feels so flawed and misunderstood. A person who could surrounded by millions of people yet feel so alone.

So here I am. Lost and confused. With this darkness building up inside of me that I’m so scared to admit that I have. It’s something that consumes me, awaiting for the day it destroys me. Though amidst all this angst, there is that fading hope that these broken pieces I have become can one day be fixed again.

Forgetting

I'm typing this after rest time. *We got a badass here* Just now, during rest time I saw someone very familiar. We kept looking at each other, but we didn't even bother to say "hi", a wave or even a simple smile. For my case, I was scare that it was the wrong person and it be very embarrassing and maybe that person would feel the same.

So it got me thinking and it made me type an essay about it. haha. 
Sometimes it scares me that the strangers I passed by for one quick second without a real care on the streets today were once upon a time a part of my life. That I’ve just forgotten them as time seemly faded my memories as it does for old photographs. Reality sets in that we don’t remember every face or person that enters and leaves our life, and any stranger is someone from our past.

That stranger you passed by today could have been your classmate before. Maybe someone who you even had a crush on or admired. That stranger you passed today could have been someone of your friend, even someone you hung out with, but slowly drifted away when you guys took different paths in life and slowly forgot about each other. That the stranger you passed today, was someone you once saw everyday and changed your life somehow, and you’ll just never remember them.

It’s strange isn’t it? How many people that have been in our lives and how many people have left it. And it’s impossible to remember every single one of them, to remember every single person that has been part of the path we chose that slowly helped us be who we are today. It’s strange that these strangers we pass by everyday may of not be strangers to us a long time ago. And sort of sad to think about how many people we forget and will forget.

It’s true, people come and go

but I swear, every time someone does walk out, it feels like the first time it’s ever happened. It’s one of those things where no matter how many times it happens to you, you’re never going to get used to that feeling. The thought of giving someone your all, only to find out that they were just like the rest of them. How is anyone supposed to accept that and move on like it’s nothing?

How can anyone be able to feel so secure about themselves after someone walks out from their life. How?

Someone wrote a poem for me.

Today, I checked my email. And someone send me a poem. She/he say they have been reading my blog since I started from my very 1st blog xxxaly. After changing blog over and over again. Deleting everything and started a new. That person have been reading it. At 1st, I find it very scary and I have a stalker with me. But the poem, this person wrote. Change my mind toward them.

You always have a sweet smile.
But time refuse to stop the moment.
There are sad and happy time.
That is life.

I am just a nobody.
To only wish that I have the chance
To make you smile.
I am just too far away.

I first thought that you're a cry baby.
Just a little girl wanting attention.
But soon after.
I found out how lonely you are.

Please stand tall
Wind and rain will come and hit you
But someone the opposite of the world.
Is cheering you on.

As again,
I am a nobody.
I wish to make you happy.
But this is all I can do.

Be happy
Alyssa.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! TO MY READERS! (If I have any. lolz) I know it's late but I was busy with work and stuff. But just about 2 days ago, I gotten myself food poisoning. My whole family was infected by it too.

anyhow.. I don't really have anything to post today.. so... yea :/