4am

4am are for the people with hollow eyes getting drunk on the idea of life.

Twilight hours is not for the innocent children, who dream of toy cars and Princess.

It's for the ill and the loner. Who cry softly awaiting the sun rises. 

4am is for me. Who questions the purpose of being here

But we should count the blessing. The little ones and the hidden ones.

We always says that life isn't fair. Life is hard. We work so hard but it just ended up failing. We complained how we don't have enough money to make ends meet. We get angry when we know someone is badmouthing us. We get sad when things just go bad. Everything in life is just not good. But we don't see the good in life because we kept seeing the negative.

I am, a very negative person. I am having really bad financial problem, was in a physical and mental abusive relationship, loses hope in everything and suicide thoughts runs around my head all the time. I feel alone most of the time and also feels that no one cares.

I have a friend. I shall call her H. When I met H. She is a workaholic. She is always so hyper, that it's scary. I met her in an event that I work at. I was only a newbie and she was the senior who knows what to do everything. I admired her. Soon after that, I found out she has sleeping problem. She will not sleeps for days and crash for days. I wasn't close to her, so I didn't want to care. I got my own self to worry for I was fighting with depression at that same time. The times fly and I have been working with her for 4 years. After 4 years, we actually sat down and talk.

We started talking at 9pm and till 5am. I found out a sad thing. H have 3rd stage tumor on her brain and her chances was 40/60. I looked at her, I didn't cry. I didn't feel sad, but I felt envy. I envy that even tho she was ill, she kept on living. Doing the best she can before she go. She helped me when I needed help during work, she advise me when I was having a hard time. I envy, because she can still be so positive even tho, she was suppose to be in her lowest.

She said, she doesn't want anyone to tell her "you will be alright". Because it's all fate. Her life is on god's hand but not her, me or you. She have so much faith in god when most people would be blaming god and asking him "why did he do this to them", and she still give me a smile and telling me " Stick with your current boyfriend, you may feel that you are no good. But god made you cross path. He may be the one or he may be a lesson. Do not give yourself self pity. It's not good."

She is leaving for a surgery next week. She doesn't want anyone to cry. All she wants everyone to be positive.

Life isn't fair. But we should count the blessing. The little ones and the hidden ones.

Im damn in both ways

I find it pretty funny that how I always thought that Im doing well. But deep inside me, I am crying. I am not crying about broken relationship or those typical things. But I am crying because of me, myself. It's scary to think that my demons are just sleeping silently, no moment to wake up anytime soon. It's pathetic when I think about it. Im happy but yet Im not. I don't care about anything but yet I do. I don't hate, but I can't forget. Im using simple words to explain this complicated feelings. But no matter what, Im damn in both ways

his hugs

I like sleeping with him. Not in being naked and having pleasure. But just sleep. Him holding me tight while my face is pressed against his chest. His soft snore and how he twitch out of the sudden. How he whisper to my ear softly when I have a bad dream "Everything is fine. Im here". How warm his body is, always keeps me warm when it's raining cats and dogs. His hugs are the best. I feel protected, relax and loved. I wish we could sleep together every night. Holding one another slowly going to wonderland. But the heaven would want us to wait for the right moment. Even so, I want to hold him. His touch and smells still lingers.

How fate played with us.

We were once connected by our mother's friendship. I remembered how you used to come over to my house to play with my brother and I would play with your sister. I remembered how you would team up with my brother just to make me cry. Time flew by, we lost the connection. You remembered my brother and I remembered your sister, but we forgot one another. It's like; we didn't exist in the flow of memories. After around 10 years, we crossed path once again. How I was your childhood friend's sister, and how you were my childhood friend's brother. And now, you are my knight in shining armour and I'm your princess.It's amazing how we took different path during those 10 years of losing contact; and yet here we are. Hand in hand.

" He is someone I have beautiful memories with, but he is just a stranger."

Breaking up isn't that hard. No matter what reason it is, cheated, lost of feelings, someone else. There are many reasons to break someone's heart. Someone's trust, dreams and hope. But yet, at the same time, breaking up with someone is the hardest thing to do. You're not only breaking your leman's heart but yours too; you choose to lose your best friend.

Not everyone can break up and stay as friends. I dare say, most couldn't. That is how we lose our best friends. We lose the people who are most important to us and, let’s be honest, end up lost for a good moment afterwards ourselves.

It's like, "I love you and yet I don't." With time it will heal, we learn to pick up the broken pieces and fix it up and continue our direction in life. But not all of us completely move on. Some of us still hold on to that friendship even though it is long gone. Why? We love them. We wish they could be part of our lives. But at the same time we understand that is impossible.

It's like how the saying goes.
" He is someone I have beautiful memories with, but he is just a stranger."

It's the twilight hour and I woke up with cold sweat, shortness of breath and tears rolling down my cheek. It's the nightmare that I dream from time to time, I don't know what it's means. But I do know, an incident that happened a few years ago. That moment will always be buried in me, the fear I felt, the tears I cried. I still remember clearly how it happened. The feelings of his hands around my neck, the madness in his eyes, it's hunts me. No matter how hard I try, this memory will always be with me. Tormenting me.  

Happy Birthday to you.

Working hard and forgetting,
Looking for new hope,
Did you see that?
The light in her.

Maybe it's right now,
The time starts here.
Music played around us,
Happy Birthday to you.

Kuroko No Basket Photo shoot.

Last Sunday ( 23rd of Feb) me and my friend did a cosplay photoshoot. It's Kuroko no Basket but it's Kise X Aomine wedding shoot. I cosplayed as Kuroko and it was really hard to cosplay him! All he does is do poker face and I can't help but keep laughing and smiling. Don't really what to post but here are some picture.

Me as Kuroko. What do you think? Did I pull him off? 

A normal Picture 

 AND

A summer news report 

Kise - Red Kidding

Aomine - Mokuto Rei

Momoi - Wumei Ying Ying Chang

Kuroko - McAlySugar (me)

Kagami - 水银狐

Midorima - Wong Jinn Vien

Takao - X Ku Shao

Akashi - Ritsu Rachel

Murasakibara - Wong Jinn Vien,

Photog - Azhar Panda & Shero Line 

That's all for now XOXO~

To be a good PR is to be a good Player.

As I have said in my past post, I'm back to school. I like to take this change for more reason to blog. Haha. For I guess I will post daily things that happened in college and what assignment I'm working on, etc.

So, I'm going to start with yesterday class. For today, I don't have any class.

Yesterday, I only had one class and that is one of my many subject in PR. So my lecturer asked me and my classmate to presence our last week assignment and I failed miserably. My essay was good, according to my lecturer. But not my presentation, it was horrible. I was nervous like hell and I kept on choking on my words. After that was over, my lecturer told us that we need to be confident. PR is all about confident. Even if we are wrong in our result, we still need to be confident and say it's right. * I find that funny*

After that, she even quote this " To be a good PR is to be a good Player " She even said " Be a slut, but an expensive slut. Don't let anyone touch you."

I was MIA but I'm back!

Ohai! I apologize for not updating lately! Have been really busy with Chinese New Year, training for the coming marathon and also College!

Yes! I'm back to school! Going back to school was a big challenge for me because I have been working ever since I finish High School. I was scare of many things. Like " What if classmate are all younger than me? Who just finish high school." " what is they won't be my friends because I'm weird or etc." Honestly speaking, I'm the 2nd oldest in my class and everyone though that I just finished high school last year! Lol! When I told them I'm actually 21 years old, they were all so surprise! You can see all the disappointed face from the boys haha!

College life is actually pretty hard, I dare say harder than working. I start my class at 9am and finish at 6pm. Have many assignment to do. My 1st assignment was to write an essay about JFK in 2500 words. It was really hard for me because I didn't know much about him and I spent two days in the library and almost a day to finish everything.

1st day of college was really hard for me. I didn't know anyone and my classmate didn't talk to me because.. I don't know, maybe I look like a loner? Someone even asked me if I'm an introvert. Do I look like one? I don't know. But soon after, I got to know my classmate and it seem pretty good. Many funny things happen and things that made me go WTF, yes it happen so often that it feels normal after awhile.

My next assignment title is "What makes a community?" I'm dying. I don't know how to do this shit and I am suppose to do it now. But I'm typing this blog. *laughs* I'm dead. Orz

Well that's all for now. Will update soon about college and also some anime review?

Xoxo~~

Anime review : Saint Onni-San. Saint Young Men.

Saint Onni-san is about Jesus and Buddha came to earth for a holiday. There are only 2 episode, but it was satisfying. It's funny how they make fun of other religion and yet at the same making fun of their own. Even tho, I'm a Buddhism I like Jesus in this anime. He is really cute and adorable, but Buddha have a fair share of his comedy pair. My rating for this anime would be a good 10/10. If you can't stand Religious discrimination, I suggest that you step far away from this anime. 

Why is butterfly called Butterfly?

Did you ever wonder where the butterfly got its name from? I did a research on it and what I found, according to the Old English (and Dutch) word for butterfly was “buttorfleoge”, the people before thought that butterfly steal butter from uncovered milk.

“Buttorfleoge” was then generalized into “butterfly” for  easier usage. But that’s just the general name. Each butterfly belongs to a special species, and has it’s own binomial nomenclature, which depends on the size, weight, and coloring.

Anime review : Kyoukai No Kanata

Just recently I finished watching Kyoukai No Kanata, yes I know really not up to date. But anyhow, I wanna blog a review for it!

Honestly, I really like the plot of the story. It's really different from all the anime I have watched. I like how they make Mirai Kuriyama a clumsy and petite glasses wearing girl. It's just gives me the feeling that she is a girl next door kind of girl. How wrong am I, she is a demon/spirit/yokai hunter! But all to all, I really enjoy the anime. The thing I dislike about is the the producer was rushing it, the story is going to fast and they didn't really explain who is Akihito Kanbara's true back ground. Well just my 2 cent opinion. I guess I would rate this anime 8/10. Go check it on wiki for more information on this anime

Mirai Kuriyama

Art by my dear friend Maguro

The Kya Kya potatoshoot : Black Rock Shooter

Finally did my Black Rock Shooter shoot. We went to an abandon building at Tanjung Aru and started shooting at around 9am to 1pm. Suppose to be at 8am but I was late orz. We didn't get many good shot but mostly funny and random shot. Picture are on the bottom

BRS : Mcalysugar (Me)

Kaito BRS : Rei Robin 

We were just doing a random shot and we decide to be fabulous. 

Rei Robin as photogenic as always >w<

As everyone said about this picture, PAHA (thigh)

 
More pictures will be up soon, now back to project DOCTOR!

Gintama FEVER!!! Spoiler ALERT!

Gintama Movie 2 finally came out with sub! I downloaded it ( gomen ;_; I'm a cheapskate orz) and I watched it a few days ago. I watched 3 time! I can't accept that it's over! I hope Gorilla-san is just trolling. Really hope that it is. Those who have not watch it yet, GO WATCH IT. Some Sneak peak for you :)

I kept laughing this part! I still laugh HAHAH!

Okita Sougo! So handsome even after 5 years! MY HUSBAND! 

ELIZABETH SO MANLY!

THE FEELS

This movie really made me laugh and cry at the same time. DAT FEELS. 

A lot of my friends asked me why do I like gintama so much, it's so random and we don't even know the black jokes of Japan. Well, the reason why I like this anime so much is because it's funny and it actually teaches me life lesson unlike many anime now mostly about protecting friends or big boobs. I would be lying if I say Gintama doesn't give out the protecting friends feels, but other than that, it teaches us how life. Well, just my own 2 cent thought. If you haven't even watch Gintama, GO WATCH IT. READ THE MANGA TOO. IT'S FUNNY TOO.

FYI, I'm watching Gintama the anime for the 4th time. OTL. 

A new year!

So, I'm late again. Oh well. Happy new year everyone!

The year 2013 was one hell of a year for me.

   

This can't be put into words but SO MUCH LOVE