Evil and lovely.

How evil you are,

How lovely you are.

The way you kill,

The way you love.

You are so beautiful,

You are so ugly.

If only you understand,

If only you see.

Never again will you,

Never again will you.

Kill me once more,

Because you've killed once.

Hold me tight dear,

Hold me torture me,

But I'm not scare,

You'll never kill me.

How evil you are,

How lovely you are.

You had your fun,

No time for memories. 

 

We all grow up

See that person that’s in front of you when you look into a mirror. One day that person will become a stranger to you. That person will have different interests, different beliefs, different friends, and a different everything.That person may even be buried in the past one day and forgotten.

We all grow up. Most the time, we blame life and the world for constantly changing on us, without realizing that we’re changing with it too. We grow into something unexpected and become a version of ourselves that we didn’t think could exist. And each time we look back at old pictures or recall old memories, we see that you’re no longer that same kid playing freeze tag outside. No longer that person who believed in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. And no longer kid who was just who was excited turning 10 because they finally hit an age with double digits.

Change is not always a bad thing though. We can grow up to become more intelligent and courageous, we can grow up and make new memories with friends that we have yet to meet, and if we’re lucky, we can one day grow up and fall in love. So as the sand pours down an hourglass and as you can hear the seconds tick away from an old grandfathers clock - who do you think you will be when you grow up and look into the mirror one day?

Loudest When It’s Quietest.

The times when the world is at its quietest are the times where I feel like it can be at its loudest. It’s as if my mind fears being engulfed in silence that thoughts immediately rush through my head. Thoughts about life, myself, the past, the future, and even you. Sometimes it can feel like while the world is in a sense of tranquility, I’m trapped alone within an inescapable cell while being bombarded with questions that were meant for the wisest of men that I sadly cannot find the answers too.

And as experiences begin to add up as time swiftly robs us of our youth, more questions are piled on, impatiently waiting to be answered. But how can one person know for certain what happens after death? Or why two souls are not meant to be together when it seemed like so much love was once there? Why does the thoughts in my head insist on asking the impossible, such as the meaning of life, if there are such things as destiny and fate, or if there is truly such a thing as the one.

For me, the world is at it loudest when it’s quietest. But as this internal monologue seems to be missing a mute button, it’s not hard to believe that many other people experience the same problem I do. That when world is at silence, we secretly become philosophers questioning anything and everything - that we’re all yearning for the day when we are able to find the answers that finally makes sense of our world.

Small world

For how vast our world is, it’s amazing how small it can seem when you think about it. It’s odd thinking about how interconnected we are - how similar we are.

For all you know, that stranger you walked past today on the street today without a second glance back could be someone you follow on youtube or someone that follows your blog. That child you saw cheerfully playing on the swingsets as you went past the playground could be the son or daughter of an old forgotten classmate you once saw everyday. That cashier you bought something from could of have already been part of your history, for you could of already had a conversation years ago that has since been long forgotten. For all you know, every face that you see could be connected to you in some way that you will never know about. It could be as simple as you two going to the same concert before to maybe falling in love with the same person at two different points of your lives.

Is it so hard to believe that a song that you sing along to every time it comes on the radio be the same song someone across the world sings to whenever they hear it as well? That the feelings of loneliness, heartbreak, being misunderstood be similar to someone who stays wide awake at night as thoughts swirls rapidly throughout their heads? How crazy is it to think that at this very moment, a complete stranger could be reading these very words that you are reading right now? For how vast our world is, isn’t it crazy to think about how small it really is?

“ I've never forgotten him. Dare I say I miss him? I do. I miss him. I still see him in my dreams. They are nightmares mostly, but nightmares tinged with love. Such is the strangeness of the human heart. I still cannot understand how he could abandon me so unceremoniously, without any sort of goodbye, without looking back even once. That pain is like an axes that chops at my heart.”
Piscine Molitor Patel, Life of Pi, Yann Martel

Why can't we be happy?

We all strive to reach our goals. Our dreams. Sometimes it feels like were just all trying to reach that point when we can start living life rather than catch up to it. We all wish that we make it to the future where happiness is suppose to greet us in open arms. That desire that the world would make sense maybe when we’re older. That hopefully we would of found the one and know what it’s like to be in love. That we would have that job that brings us so much joy and excited to wake up everyday. That just maybe, in the future, we might feel a bit less loss than we do right now.

But that’s the problem. That we’re always to concentrated in reaching happiness. Like it’s a far off distant thing instead of realizing that happiness can be reached at this very moment. That our dreams can come true right at this moment. And that love can be found right now. That everything we desire is possible without having to wait years from now.

We envision a future of perfection while forgetting that we live in an imperfect world. There will always be hardships. There will always be many times when we feel loss. Sometimes I think we just use the future as an excuse of not trying to find happiness right now because were too afraid it doesn’t exist…that were striving for something that not even there. But tell me, wouldn’t it be amazing to be happy while on our journey to the rest of our lives?

Cloud Atlas Sextet

A few weeks ago, I watched the movie Cloud Atlas. It was a very beautiful movie. The movie consists of six interrelated and interwoven stories spanning different time periods.

I don't want to be a spoiler but maybe just a picture?

by hootsweet

And also the music was compose for the movie. 

Everything about this movie, is beautiful.

Have you?

Have you ever done something you regret? Kept thinking of going back time to fix it. Have you ever made the wrong choice? Hoping to have another chance to make the right choice. Have you ever did something that satisfies you so much and it felt guilty as hell? Wishing that it wasn't wrong or you didn't do it at all.

You would be lying if you say you didn't felt like this before. But because of these issue, it can make one person mad, crazy. We always want to run away from things we can't fix, destroy things that made us like this. Bad things comes to us because it's free.

But, it's pretty sad. Don't you think so? You want something so badly but can't have because it doesn't belong to you and it's wrong. What happen to " When it comes to something you love, take no for an answer?" Is that just bullshit? Or maybe, the heavens are just playing games with you.  

One more night.

You and I go hard, at each other like we're going to war
You and I go rough, we keep throwing things and slammin' the door
You and I get so, damn dysfunctional we stopped keeping score
You and I get sick, yeah I know that we can't do this no more

But baby there you go again, there you go again making me love you
Yeah I stopped using my head, using my head let it all go
Got you stuck on my body, on my body like a tattoo
And now i'm feeling stupid, feeling stupid crawling back to you
So I cross my heart, and I hope to die, that I'll only stay with you one more night
And I know I said it a million times
But i'll only stay with you one more night

Trying to tell you no, but my body keeps on telling you yes
Trying to tell you stop, but your lipstick got me so out of breath
I'd be waking up, in the morning probably hating myself
And i'd be waking up, feeling satisfied but guilty as hell

But baby there you go again, there you go again making me love you
Yeah I stopped using my head, using my head let it all go
Got you stuck on my body, on my body like a tattoo
And now i'm feeling stupid, feeling stupid crawling back to you
So I cross my heart, and I hope to die, that i'll only stay with you one more night
And I know i've said it a million times
But i'll only stay with you one more night

Yeah baby give me one more night
Yeah baby give me one more night
Yeah baby give me one more night

But baby there you again, there you again making me love you
Yeah I stopped using my head, using my head let it all go
Got you stuck on my body, on my body like a tattoo
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

So I cross my heart, and I hope to die, that i'll only stay with you one more night
And I know i've said it a million times
But i'll only stay with you one more night

(yeah baby give me one more night)

So I cross my heart, and I hope to die, that i'll only stay with you one more night
And I know i've said it a million times
But i'll only stay with you one more night.

(please listen to this song)

That one choice

Some people say that our choices define who we become. I think we have that one decision we look back at and wonder what could of been if we chose differently. If we just chose a another path, would it change the reality that we have come to know?

You would be lying if you said that there weren’t days when you thought of “what if?”. When we are faced with making a decision, we blindly gamble and hope that we are choosing the right path. It’s only when time has pass that you end up being grateful or regretting the decision you had made. Life’s funny that way: how our world and our story could be something else right now if only we acted differently during a situation.

Could that one choice be the difference of meeting the girl or guy of your dreams? Could that one choice prevent you from reaching your dreams and happiness? Could that one choice be the difference of travelling the world or staying the same city? Could one choice be enough to change your entire life?

I don't really know what to feel. I just saw him last week, he looked fine. But, I don't know. It's so hard to believe. It's so hard to accept. I never aspect, he would leave me so soon.

The Escape.

There are times when I just want to escape from everything. To run far away where none of my problems would be able to find me. Haven’t you ever had that feeling before? To leave all your schedules, to leave all your responsibilities, and to leave all the drama behind. Where you just want to get in a car and drive without any direction?

It’s hard not to imagine what it would be like just to leave and feel the weight of the world leave your shoulders and to be truly free from what seems like chains and shackles of the life you’re living. What would it be like to be the one who leaves instead of the person who always gets left behind? I wonder what it would be like to finally find that escape from the person you are; to have the restart to be the person you always wanted to be.

Life gets so difficult at times that it seems so much easier to just forget everything. To find a way out of this unbreakable prison that you unfortunately share with the past that haunts you and where hope of the future has died. Though this is an imaginary concept that will never become a reality, it hard not to dream of that one day you will be able to escape.

Deep web

While you are reading this, going on with your daily life. Waking up for school or work, go to class or office, go back home for dinner and online till your tired. And doing the same thing tomorrow. But, have you ever thought, maybe there more to it? Everyday, we see good, things that won't harm us, etc.Yes, we do see rape case, robbery, polities and so on. It's not that bad till you have seen what I have seen yesterday. A friend of mine told me about deep web. It's somewhere in the internet, he just briefly told me what is it; I got very curious and I went to search it. I downloaded the wed browser called "Tor" ( you can google it by yourself), it looks like normal browser, but it's everything a normal human have thought of knowing.

So from what I know so far, from my friend, the internet has 2 surfaces. The surface web and the deep web. The surface web is what we all know of, google, youtube etc. Then you have the deep web, this is the dark side.It is says that this deep web are the hackers' world. This is the place you can buy pure cocaine, buy guns, bombs, hire hitmen, and lots more horrible sinister things. I clicked on a video it just stated there "CP with animal" And guess what I saw? A maybe, 4 to 6 year old boy got rape by dog. Than I realize, CP means child pornography. I also saw, hitman advertisement.

"if you have sense for business, you can also find someone who would like to kill someone and he has money to pay, you can make a deal with him and send me my price while the rest you keep for yourself.

If you ask yourself why someone would need to hire hitman online, I will tell you simply: because it is anonymous with Tor software and Bitcoins. You don't know me, I don't know you, you can't send me in the prison, I can't send you in the prison. You can always find examples of criminals who collaborated with cops when they face 20 years of prison, and you can finish in the prison because of such people. At other side, you can always find examples that police found who had interest to kill dead person and they can come to you and you can give testimony and hitman can finish in the prison 20 years. So, it is mutual interest to make everything anonymously.

1)If you hire me in EU countries, you pay me 5000 EUR (in Bitcoins) in advance to prepare everything for action (buying of weapon, car or motorcycle, fake docs, driving license, etc). If you want target eliminated out of EU, then you must pay 10 000 EUR (in Bitcoins) in advance and you must wait 2 months that I can come there. On my price, you should add the fee of owner of this website, I think it is 4% but you should check it.
2)If you have any problem with any kind of enemy who disturb your life, you can hire me. For example, many criminals will refuse to kill a cop, prosecutor, judge, etc, because they don't want to come under pressure of police and newspapers. I am not part of organized criminality and I can do any job.
3)Target must be older than 16.
4)You must give me in advance next information about target: picture, name, approximately age, home and working address, what car he/she uses and what is registration of the car. If you know how many members of family are in house, it would be good to know, but it is not condition. Any photo file must be uploaded to anonymous server: ********* - supported file types: gif, jpg, jpeg and png. max 2MB, link will be visible only to us because it will be encrypted in message.
5)Prices are different, depending who is target. You must send me money 2 times, first time 5 000 EUR, when I buy weapon and everything what I need for action, you must pay the rest of money, after that I finish the job. You need somebody to be eliminated, I don't need it, so, you must take a risk about money, everything is anonymous, so...I don't want to eliminate for half price.
- To eliminate some ordinary person, my price is 20 000 EUR (in Bitcoins).
- To eliminate criminal or cop, my price is 50 000 EUR (in Bitcoins). If he is bog boss or higher ranking cop, price is 100 000 EUR (in Bitcoins).
- To eliminate paparazzi, my price is 50 000 EUR (in Bitcoins) and for journalist 100 000 EUR (in Bitcoins).
- To eliminate a businessman, price range from 50 000 to 200 000 EUR (in Bitcoins).
- To eliminate your rich wife/husband, price depend from wealth of that person.

 

And there many more. When I saw the "CP" I quickly close it and delete the whole browser, it was very disturbing, traumatize, etc. But that didn't stop me, I made more research and found out that there are "Levels" In the deep web.

Level 0 – Common Web
This level is the one you browse everyday: YouTube, Facebook, Wikipedia and other famous or easily accessible websites can be found here.

Level 1 – Surface Web
This level is still accessible through normal means, but contains “darker” websites, such as Reddit.

Level 2 – Bergie Web
This level is the last one normally accessible: all levels that follow this one have to be accessed with a proxy, Tor or by modifyig your hardware. In this level you can find some “underground” but still indexed websites, such as 4chan.

Level 3 – Deep Web (This is where I went into)
The first part of this level has to be accessed with a proxy. It contains CP, gore, hacking websites… Here begins the Deep Web. Second part of this level is only accessible through Tor, and contains more sensible information.

Level 4 – Charter Web
This level is also divided in two parts. The first can be accessed through Tor. Things such as drug and human trafficking, banned movies and books and black markets exist there. The second part can be accessed through a hardware modification: a “Closed Shell System”. Here, shit becomes serious. This part of the Charter Web contains hardcore CP, experimental hardware information (“Gadolinium Gallium Garnet Quantum Electronic Processors”…), but also darker information, such as the “Law of 13″, World War 2 experiments, and even the location of Atlantis.

Level 5 – Marianas Web
You’ll be lucky to find anyone who knows about it. Probably secret government documentation

So far, there are no proof that level 6,7 and 8 exist. But what I read in forums said that the hackers are trying to keep it away from us normal people. Because it may contain some super dark secret. but they are rumors going around saying that on the 8th level, an Anon( some said that the Anon is god, an alien, or just a normal hacker) will chat with you. And will tell you the future or answer your unquestionable question.. But than again there is another rumor saying that if you even go in level 6,7, and 8 you will be assassinated.

I suggest that, DON'T and I MEAN DON'T ever think of going in there. But, if you have the balls to go in. Be my guess.