A little about the past.

Today, I was cleaning my room and I found some stuff that brings back a lot of memories. I found my old dairy, and I read it. It was written when I was 15 to 17. I don't write everyday, I only write when something happen or I felt sad, happy or something. 

What was written in my diary was so innocent, so naive. The feeling of being so carefree. Nothing to worry. A loving family, friends and boyfriend. I read till the end where the last page wrote " I want my old life back, please give me back everything you took from me." Reading the whole dairy makes me feel like I'm reading a story book about a girl who was a innocent and how life slowly show their true colors to her, that lead her with so much hatred. 

And when I think back, I don't know why, but I thought of Mr Ex. Than I though of a guy who I have met online, who I had feelings for, but forced myself to make him dislike me because I didn't want to hurt him with the distant. And last, I thought of my special someone. Than, I realize, I still loved them. Now, I fully understand what my special someone said, "Even if you hated him, he treated you like you're a useless thing. Broke your heart, or anything to make you hate him. After sometime have pass, when everything cool down. You realize that you still have love for him. I swear, he feels the same too." Being so innocent at that time, I asked him why? How can I still love someone who hurt me so badly?" And with confident he reply me "Because, a part of your time have been spend with him, a part of you is with him. And his with you. Therefore, no matter how much time pass, you would always have that love for him."

I didn't understand what he meant, but I just nod. Now, I finally understand. I still loved them all. Mr Ex and online guy who I used to called "My Hero". Nothing will change my love for them both.