“ I've never forgotten him. Dare I say I miss him? I do. I miss him. I still see him in my dreams. They are nightmares mostly, but nightmares tinged with love. Such is the strangeness of the human heart. I still cannot understand how he could abandon me so unceremoniously, without any sort of goodbye, without looking back even once. That pain is like an axes that chops at my heart.”
Piscine Molitor Patel, Life of Pi, Yann Martel

Why can't we be happy?

We all strive to reach our goals. Our dreams. Sometimes it feels like were just all trying to reach that point when we can start living life rather than catch up to it. We all wish that we make it to the future where happiness is suppose to greet us in open arms. That desire that the world would make sense maybe when we’re older. That hopefully we would of found the one and know what it’s like to be in love. That we would have that job that brings us so much joy and excited to wake up everyday. That just maybe, in the future, we might feel a bit less loss than we do right now.

But that’s the problem. That we’re always to concentrated in reaching happiness. Like it’s a far off distant thing instead of realizing that happiness can be reached at this very moment. That our dreams can come true right at this moment. And that love can be found right now. That everything we desire is possible without having to wait years from now.

We envision a future of perfection while forgetting that we live in an imperfect world. There will always be hardships. There will always be many times when we feel loss. Sometimes I think we just use the future as an excuse of not trying to find happiness right now because were too afraid it doesn’t exist…that were striving for something that not even there. But tell me, wouldn’t it be amazing to be happy while on our journey to the rest of our lives?

Cloud Atlas Sextet

A few weeks ago, I watched the movie Cloud Atlas. It was a very beautiful movie. The movie consists of six interrelated and interwoven stories spanning different time periods.

I don't want to be a spoiler but maybe just a picture?

by hootsweet

And also the music was compose for the movie. 

Everything about this movie, is beautiful.

Have you?

Have you ever done something you regret? Kept thinking of going back time to fix it. Have you ever made the wrong choice? Hoping to have another chance to make the right choice. Have you ever did something that satisfies you so much and it felt guilty as hell? Wishing that it wasn't wrong or you didn't do it at all.

You would be lying if you say you didn't felt like this before. But because of these issue, it can make one person mad, crazy. We always want to run away from things we can't fix, destroy things that made us like this. Bad things comes to us because it's free.

But, it's pretty sad. Don't you think so? You want something so badly but can't have because it doesn't belong to you and it's wrong. What happen to " When it comes to something you love, take no for an answer?" Is that just bullshit? Or maybe, the heavens are just playing games with you.  

One more night.

You and I go hard, at each other like we're going to war
You and I go rough, we keep throwing things and slammin' the door
You and I get so, damn dysfunctional we stopped keeping score
You and I get sick, yeah I know that we can't do this no more

But baby there you go again, there you go again making me love you
Yeah I stopped using my head, using my head let it all go
Got you stuck on my body, on my body like a tattoo
And now i'm feeling stupid, feeling stupid crawling back to you
So I cross my heart, and I hope to die, that I'll only stay with you one more night
And I know I said it a million times
But i'll only stay with you one more night

Trying to tell you no, but my body keeps on telling you yes
Trying to tell you stop, but your lipstick got me so out of breath
I'd be waking up, in the morning probably hating myself
And i'd be waking up, feeling satisfied but guilty as hell

But baby there you go again, there you go again making me love you
Yeah I stopped using my head, using my head let it all go
Got you stuck on my body, on my body like a tattoo
And now i'm feeling stupid, feeling stupid crawling back to you
So I cross my heart, and I hope to die, that i'll only stay with you one more night
And I know i've said it a million times
But i'll only stay with you one more night

Yeah baby give me one more night
Yeah baby give me one more night
Yeah baby give me one more night

But baby there you again, there you again making me love you
Yeah I stopped using my head, using my head let it all go
Got you stuck on my body, on my body like a tattoo
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

So I cross my heart, and I hope to die, that i'll only stay with you one more night
And I know i've said it a million times
But i'll only stay with you one more night

(yeah baby give me one more night)

So I cross my heart, and I hope to die, that i'll only stay with you one more night
And I know i've said it a million times
But i'll only stay with you one more night.

(please listen to this song)

That one choice

Some people say that our choices define who we become. I think we have that one decision we look back at and wonder what could of been if we chose differently. If we just chose a another path, would it change the reality that we have come to know?

You would be lying if you said that there weren’t days when you thought of “what if?”. When we are faced with making a decision, we blindly gamble and hope that we are choosing the right path. It’s only when time has pass that you end up being grateful or regretting the decision you had made. Life’s funny that way: how our world and our story could be something else right now if only we acted differently during a situation.

Could that one choice be the difference of meeting the girl or guy of your dreams? Could that one choice prevent you from reaching your dreams and happiness? Could that one choice be the difference of travelling the world or staying the same city? Could one choice be enough to change your entire life?

I don't really know what to feel. I just saw him last week, he looked fine. But, I don't know. It's so hard to believe. It's so hard to accept. I never aspect, he would leave me so soon.