But we should count the blessing. The little ones and the hidden ones.

We always says that life isn't fair. Life is hard. We work so hard but it just ended up failing. We complained how we don't have enough money to make ends meet. We get angry when we know someone is badmouthing us. We get sad when things just go bad. Everything in life is just not good. But we don't see the good in life because we kept seeing the negative.

I am, a very negative person. I am having really bad financial problem, was in a physical and mental abusive relationship, loses hope in everything and suicide thoughts runs around my head all the time. I feel alone most of the time and also feels that no one cares.

I have a friend. I shall call her H. When I met H. She is a workaholic. She is always so hyper, that it's scary. I met her in an event that I work at. I was only a newbie and she was the senior who knows what to do everything. I admired her. Soon after that, I found out she has sleeping problem. She will not sleeps for days and crash for days. I wasn't close to her, so I didn't want to care. I got my own self to worry for I was fighting with depression at that same time. The times fly and I have been working with her for 4 years. After 4 years, we actually sat down and talk.

We started talking at 9pm and till 5am. I found out a sad thing. H have 3rd stage tumor on her brain and her chances was 40/60. I looked at her, I didn't cry. I didn't feel sad, but I felt envy. I envy that even tho she was ill, she kept on living. Doing the best she can before she go. She helped me when I needed help during work, she advise me when I was having a hard time. I envy, because she can still be so positive even tho, she was suppose to be in her lowest.

She said, she doesn't want anyone to tell her "you will be alright". Because it's all fate. Her life is on god's hand but not her, me or you. She have so much faith in god when most people would be blaming god and asking him "why did he do this to them", and she still give me a smile and telling me " Stick with your current boyfriend, you may feel that you are no good. But god made you cross path. He may be the one or he may be a lesson. Do not give yourself self pity. It's not good."

She is leaving for a surgery next week. She doesn't want anyone to cry. All she wants everyone to be positive.

Life isn't fair. But we should count the blessing. The little ones and the hidden ones.

Im damn in both ways

I find it pretty funny that how I always thought that Im doing well. But deep inside me, I am crying. I am not crying about broken relationship or those typical things. But I am crying because of me, myself. It's scary to think that my demons are just sleeping silently, no moment to wake up anytime soon. It's pathetic when I think about it. Im happy but yet Im not. I don't care about anything but yet I do. I don't hate, but I can't forget. Im using simple words to explain this complicated feelings. But no matter what, Im damn in both ways

How fate played with us.

We were once connected by our mother's friendship. I remembered how you used to come over to my house to play with my brother and I would play with your sister. I remembered how you would team up with my brother just to make me cry. Time flew by, we lost the connection. You remembered my brother and I remembered your sister, but we forgot one another. It's like; we didn't exist in the flow of memories. After around 10 years, we crossed path once again. How I was your childhood friend's sister, and how you were my childhood friend's brother. And now, you are my knight in shining armour and I'm your princess.It's amazing how we took different path during those 10 years of losing contact; and yet here we are. Hand in hand.

" He is someone I have beautiful memories with, but he is just a stranger."

Breaking up isn't that hard. No matter what reason it is, cheated, lost of feelings, someone else. There are many reasons to break someone's heart. Someone's trust, dreams and hope. But yet, at the same time, breaking up with someone is the hardest thing to do. You're not only breaking your leman's heart but yours too; you choose to lose your best friend.

Not everyone can break up and stay as friends. I dare say, most couldn't. That is how we lose our best friends. We lose the people who are most important to us and, let’s be honest, end up lost for a good moment afterwards ourselves.

It's like, "I love you and yet I don't." With time it will heal, we learn to pick up the broken pieces and fix it up and continue our direction in life. But not all of us completely move on. Some of us still hold on to that friendship even though it is long gone. Why? We love them. We wish they could be part of our lives. But at the same time we understand that is impossible.

It's like how the saying goes.
" He is someone I have beautiful memories with, but he is just a stranger."

Happy Birthday to you.

Working hard and forgetting,
Looking for new hope,
Did you see that?
The light in her.

Maybe it's right now,
The time starts here.
Music played around us,
Happy Birthday to you.

I was MIA but I'm back!

Ohai! I apologize for not updating lately! Have been really busy with Chinese New Year, training for the coming marathon and also College!

Yes! I'm back to school! Going back to school was a big challenge for me because I have been working ever since I finish High School. I was scare of many things. Like " What if classmate are all younger than me? Who just finish high school." " what is they won't be my friends because I'm weird or etc." Honestly speaking, I'm the 2nd oldest in my class and everyone though that I just finished high school last year! Lol! When I told them I'm actually 21 years old, they were all so surprise! You can see all the disappointed face from the boys haha!

College life is actually pretty hard, I dare say harder than working. I start my class at 9am and finish at 6pm. Have many assignment to do. My 1st assignment was to write an essay about JFK in 2500 words. It was really hard for me because I didn't know much about him and I spent two days in the library and almost a day to finish everything.

1st day of college was really hard for me. I didn't know anyone and my classmate didn't talk to me because.. I don't know, maybe I look like a loner? Someone even asked me if I'm an introvert. Do I look like one? I don't know. But soon after, I got to know my classmate and it seem pretty good. Many funny things happen and things that made me go WTF, yes it happen so often that it feels normal after awhile.

My next assignment title is "What makes a community?" I'm dying. I don't know how to do this shit and I am suppose to do it now. But I'm typing this blog. *laughs* I'm dead. Orz

Well that's all for now. Will update soon about college and also some anime review?

Xoxo~~

The Kya Kya potatoshoot : Black Rock Shooter

Finally did my Black Rock Shooter shoot. We went to an abandon building at Tanjung Aru and started shooting at around 9am to 1pm. Suppose to be at 8am but I was late orz. We didn't get many good shot but mostly funny and random shot. Picture are on the bottom

BRS : Mcalysugar (Me)

Kaito BRS : Rei Robin 

We were just doing a random shot and we decide to be fabulous. 

Rei Robin as photogenic as always >w<

As everyone said about this picture, PAHA (thigh)

 
More pictures will be up soon, now back to project DOCTOR!

A new year!

So, I'm late again. Oh well. Happy new year everyone!

The year 2013 was one hell of a year for me.

   

This can't be put into words but SO MUCH LOVE

Now a days, I don't have time to read any books or do some baking. Whenever I'm off work, I hit myself to the gym to release the stress from the day. I'm still amaze how I can carry a 20KG weight and did a 12KG kettlebell swing for 1 min, after stopping working out with weight for over a year. I'm taking boxing and Muay Thai back too, my moves are rusty as hell.

But all from all, with all the stress and coming back to the gym. I'm glad I came back to the gym. If I didn't I think I would go mentally ill. Meeting new people and listen to their stories is really an eye opener. How low their confident was and how unhealthy they were. Plus, I even met someone who I am fond with. Even tho it's one sided, I'm happy with it. This person just gave it, hope. You could say, this person gave me motivation to be better. I like the companionship I felt when I with this person, this person gets my random perverted joke, this person is even ok with me swearing around. I wish, one day I will grow the balls to tell this person about my feeling.

I don't really have anything to blog about honestly. But I just wanna let out this feeling. So that's all for today.

xoxo  

There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.

Religion

I am never a hardcore believer in religion.  I go to temple, I go to Church, I don't go to the mosque because of their rules but I do have same respect toward them. I am a free thinker, for I believe there is only the heaven and only one god. Everyone have their own believes, some acceptable, some too over the top. But, I still respect that.

I respect everything for what anyone wants to believe, for matter they can't take beef, can't eat for a month, can't eat meat on Fridays, even if your religion is base on a tree; I would and still respect it. But there is one thing I dislike and that is "the believer". To me, every religion is beautiful; but claiming your religion is the best and saying another is the devil's work will bring you a bitch slap on your face by me or even a round house kick by the head.

Every religion teach us to respect one another. No matter which Christian denomination you are, which quran you read, which god or goddess you pray to; we were all though to be humble, be kind, respect your friends and enemy.

Day 11 – What’s in my bag?

Sorry for the MIA. Been busy with work, holiday, cosplay and ahem. *blush*

Anyhow, I'm gonna do the 30 days challenge. ( not really challenge by now but oh well.)

 Day 11 – What’s in my bag?
I'm not going to take a picture of it, I'm shy orz..

So, I got 3 phones. One is personal, the 2nd one is for work and the last one is for well work too.
I got 2 wallet. Yes, I got 2 in my bag. Reason? One is for shopping and another is my daily use - example, Food, petrol, toilet(?),etc
1 diary, to remind me important dates and what I have to do.
1 note book, where I keep track with my work.
1 pack of wet tissue,
1 pack of candies (I always refill it when it's finish)
1 small pencil case, do I need to be a reason?
AND, lots of papers.

But honestly, during working time and hanging out I use different bags. In total I got about 3 bags OTL.

My 1st 10km marathon.

On 25th of August was my very 1st Marathon. I joined running competition during my schooling time but to get back to the field but a longer distant, for almost 3 years of not running was pretty painful. I started training on early March, but stopped awhile because of the Suluk case in Lahad Datu. Started running again on May. I run every Tuesday and Thursday after work, rain, sun and wind. I will still run. Behind my house there is a hill and I don't know how many KM it is, but I run about an hour or 2 depending how scare I am (orz)

On Saturday, I'll join Charles (aka Duck) and my cousin go hiking at Butik Padang for a round or 2 (But I always ended up half around orz). On Sunday early morning around 4am I'll run at Butik Padang about 3 to 5 rounds, depends how tired or hungry I am.

I won't have make it without my friends giving me support and accompany me through this little adventure of mine. I'm planing to run Half Marathon next year, It's 21km! I really need to train for it! Next month I'm joining the 7k Sunset Run by Sutera, wanted to join the another run on 8th of September, but I would be in KL eating at some shop (aku suka makan)

Wasn't really happy with my time, I was aiming below 1:30 but ended up 1:36:48. The English have landed and I ran in pain. But I was able to finish it on time and I guess that's ok. (Stupid english, have to land on that day. >_> *fyi not the people english! I'm not racist! Well, I think I'm not*)

Proof I actually ran! I got medal again leee LOL

Yosh, have to gambatte for 21km next year! 

Because I was there for you too.

I never did forget you, you were always there. A tiny part of my heart still belongs to you; the laugher, the smiles, the tears, the rage, everything. Just that time have shown me what is more important, my family, my friends, my goal and my future. I won't forget you, because I know how it feels when someone you loved so much forgets you and every single moment you have spent together. Is painful, is more painful than a sharply cutting through the soft skin of your wrist. 

The day where we will cross path, we may be stranger, a little smile and go on with our daily life or a handshake, starting small talks like " How is life?" Or maybe, I don't know. The next life? 

I have grown to be wise and confident. I have gain knowledge from what I have been through. Without you, I won't be who I am today. The laugher we shared shown me that I am never a lone, the random smile we show to each other taught me to be always kind to others, the tears I shed for you made me stronger and have more pride in myself. The rage we always had, let me understand I should accept the good and bad side of everyone who will come into my life.  

These are the reason why I won't forget you, you have taught me what I need to be a better person. To get myself ready for the cruel cruel world out there. 

I won't forget you, I never will. Because you were there for me. I hope you don't forget me. Because I was there for you too.     

Don't Judge Others Because They Sin Differently Than You.

Sorry for being "mia" for some time, was really busy with work and "ahem" *blush* lol

But today I'm going to post about my very own point of view. Lately I have been hanging out with a different group of friends, who kinda messed up in life. Let me elaborate what I meant as messed up,those people are the ones you called a "bad" person. Those you judge at 1st glare, because they smokes, drinks, have lots of tattoo and etc.. I understand that doing all these isn't good, more like a sin. They didn't finish high school, got knocked up at 16 years old.

Everyone makes mistake, me, you, them, everyone. But the mistake we make is just different. So what makes you have the right to judge them for their mistake or sin? You too do sin. Just different or maybe more accepted for sociality. That's how fucked up sociality is. A mistake, is still a mistake. A sin is still a sin.

Time.

I notice that lately, I have been wishing and hoping for more "time". I just feel that 24 hours isn't enough. There is just so many things I need to do. I know the saying goes "make time" but how can I make time when I don't even have time to be made? I bet a few of you will be saying "stop blogging and go do your stuff." Well, blogging is one of the things I need to do. But not matter how hard I wish for more time, it wouldn't be given to me. After all, time is priceless. But than again, I wish I could clone myself so I can multitask everything.

Kaamatan Party and Ambush mission.

On last Saturday, I was invited to my boss's kaamatan party. It was held at Larry & Vince’s Farmstay. It's located at somewhere around Inanam. It started at 8am but I went there around 10am. The organizer also organize some games to play. There were fishing, beer drinking competition, singing, etc... Met lots of people there. Was really fun and it's funny when you actually listen to drunk old uncle talking. It's like, they are talking about happy moment, then sad than to some random BS talking. I don't have much to say but maybe the picture will tell you?

LAMB 

A place for drinking and singing

He caught the fish less than a min

Fishing competition begins!

That's Larry, the owner of the farmstay.

The place you can stay.

An owl!

A path to go up the hill

Beer drinking Competition.

I went back home at about 5pm and yes, they're still drinking and singing. You can check out the Farmstay website <Click here>

After that, I went to Suria to meet up with the ClickStartPlay members for an ambush surprise B'day for fellow member of CSP and a committee of HC Max. He is a fan of Monster hunter so his girlfriend wanted to give him a Felyne cake. And tada~ Cake was made by Unique Bakez, can check out their FB for more awesome cakes <Click here>  

So that's all for now. Good night!

The attack of the Haze.

On 19th June, smoke from illegal open fire from Indonesia blowing toward southern Malaysia and Singapore, causing thick clouds of haze. The range of PSI are according
0 - 50 Good,
51 - 100 Moderate
101 - 200 Unhealthy
201 - 300 Very unhealthy
Above 300 Hazardous

 At 11 a.m. on 21 June 2013(today), Singapore got the worst out of it, with a PSI of 400 in the "Hazardous" range. While Johor Bahru gotten a PSI of 219 on 20 June 2013(yesterday)  And Today, Malaca City gotten  a PSI of 271 at 5pm.

For Kota Kinabalu the PSI of 75 which makes us in the Moderate state.

Lets just hope that it will rain soon, so the haze will somehow go away. But for the time being, remember to wear a mask and sun glasses to protect yourself like these fellow Sabahan.

The Original 3 

(Sotong, Pedo and Dark Vader)

You can check out their awesome facebook profile. 

Pedo <Click here>

Sotong <Click here>

Dark Vader <Click here>

While this me being random and shit. 

That's all for tonight. Good night!

Nothing more, nothing less. 

Joy~

Tears of joy is what I have now. For most of you who are my friends in FB you guys would know I was admitted to the hospital for having stomach ulcer. But, I'm well now. I should really remember to eat. Anyhow, the reason I am happy is I was able to finish a story I have been working on since form 4 (16 years  old) With the time off from work, I had some free time. Yay! Maybe, now I should draw a manga out from it? That be a very good challenge. Anyhow, I also took time to watch this movie called " The legend of the Fist: The Return of Chen Zhen."

Legend of the Fist: The Return of Chen Zhen is set in the period before the Second Sino-Japanese War. It was held around WW1.

I won't post up my point of view towards this movie because it might offend someone people. But anyhow, if you hunger for knowledge you can pm me or watch the movie. Oh and one of the actress is my fav, Shu qi!

Believe it or not, Shu Qi should to be a porn star. And now? She is an actress, singer and model. I guess sometimes, you need to work some shitty job to get what you really want..
And last! A beautiful song by her.




Thats all for tonight.

お休みなさい！！

晚安！！
Good night!!