My direction in life ( not one direction ah.. there are gay =_=)

Just another small update before I hit the hay. I just finished my morning jog and I'm dead tired. So anyway, a few days ago a friend who is facing depression asked me "how did you over come your depression? I don't like feeling like this at all." It took me awhile to answer her, but my answer was my direction in life. And I wrote a note for her to keep up and this is it.


1. Keep a journal where you record all your different thoughts, feelings and ideas. Look for patterns and consistency – ideas that grab you and get stronger over time.

2. Explore new passions, interests and hobbies. Some of those will stick and intensify; others will slowly fade and disappear.

3. Step outside your comfort zone and try and break with your old routine. That will lead you in different directions, release creative thoughts, and spark some fresh ideas.

4. Talk to people to get different perspectives, and listen to their feedback, and points of view.

5. Have the self-confidence to listen to your heart, and work of developing your creativity.

6. Review your current goals – and how much they mean to you. Ask yourself: Do you still feel motivated, energized and inspired?

7. Surround yourself with people who are optimistic, positive, affirming, and who want the best for you. Also, it may help to widen your circle of friends as that helps to uncover different aspects of yourself.

But in the end. What inspired me the most are the people I have met. Everyday I meet new people, while working, at convention or even when I do my morning jog. That's what inspired me the most.

Just a little update

Just a little update. I have been very busy with work and for Chinese New Year too. I was so busy till to the point of forgetting to read my phone message. Anyhow, I was scrolling on FB a few days ago and I came to saw this picture. 

                             

I find it very true. I may not hold any feelings for him anymore. But I still tend to ask myself how is he doing and so on. Maybe deep down somewhere in my heart, I still love him but not as much as before. 

Hard to change

I think by now, most of us are aware of the fact that ‘things change’. But if we know that, than why does it still take us by surprise every time? Shouldn’t we be use to this feeling that change is evitable and accept it by now? But no matter how aware of this we are, I don’t think we will ever be ready to face change. Whether we admit it or not, all of us hate it, especially when it seems like we are robbed of the only things that made us happy and we were just hopeless to stop it from happening.

Maybe it’s the fact that none of us want to believe it. None of us want to believe that our best friends could one day no longer be a part of our lives. That the relationships we have with people that we care about could turn into one that we only have with strangers. Maybe we’re too focus on holding on to everything, that we don’t realize that our worlds can turn upside down in any second.

In the course of our lives, we will face a million changes. The funny thing about it, without changes in our lives, we wouldn’t meet some of the great people that we have. We wouldn’t of ended up going forward in our lives and discovering who we truly are. It’s okay to be afraid of change, I know I am. But looking back at it all, I realize that the memories I have are permanently in place - and sometimes things changing is a way of finding something beautiful.

I’m the type of person that won’t say how they feel when something’s wrong. I’ll stay quiet about it and eventually let the pain, jealousy, etc,. build in. Then one day I’ll end up breaking down because I just couldn’t hold in my feelings anymore. I want to say something… I want to say what’s on my mind.. I want to say that I’m not okay… But I just can’t.

I want to go to JAPAN!

So, a though came to me and I want to go to Japan. Reason? To look for husband. lol. No, just joking. I want to go there to study and to see something different. My plan was, I will pay every single living expenses on my own. So, I made some research about it and you can get a Student Working Pass Visa. Which you can work for 28 hours a week. If you over the time limit, you be send back to your own country and redo your visa. So, I did more research and a part time job, which they pay by hour. An hour is about 700 yen to 900 yen. If you work up a month you get about 75,000yen. Not bad, but Japan's living expenses is very high. BUT, you live at Kansai area (exp: Kyoto, Osaka, Nagasaki, etc) It be cheaper by a few thousand yen. Their paying wages are the same within all country.

Now the biggest decision is, which area should I go? I got a Japanese friend who is living at Nagasaki and also a friend who is going to Osaka this year for studies too. Maybe I go to Kyoto? I found an apartment, with kitchen, futon, air con, etc.. for about 50,000 yen include water and electricity bill. Oh, and don't forget Internet too.

Planing to go there when I'm 21 years old. So... I got about 2 years to go? I hope I can go by next year. I don't wanna waste time anymore!!  

Words left unsaid.

A thousand words have entered and wandered around in my head as I try to think of the right sequences to put them in. I want the words and sentences to do justice to the thoughts that keep me up at night and the emotions that are felt deep within my heart. And in life, sometimes you only have that one opportunity to say exactly what you want to say to someone that these words can be nothing short of perfection.

Though nothing found within any dictionary or thesaurus can put into context of what I want truly want to express, I want to believe that there has to be something. There has to be something that had never been spoken in the history of man that I could finally say. In a world full of regret for not telling someone how you truly feel, I rather not fall victim in the same trap that many men have fallen into countless times before.

A thousands words have entered and wandered around my head. Maybe there will be a day when they will be in the right sequence and I won’t stutter or be hesitant to say them when I have that opportunity to. But reality is, not a single one of these thousand words will ever be said to you. My love, the father of my children, Boris and Mia. Goodbye was the last and therefore these words will forever be left unsaid.

Those moment.

Sometimes I wonder when did those moments occur. Those significant moments that manages to forever change the course of our lives. Sometimes it’s completely impossible to pinpoint it, for at the time it was occurring, it was just another passing sequence of events of just another random day. But in reality, they managed to change what you believe in, what’s important to you, how feel for a period of time, or makes you feel something that you didn’t even know existed.

This moment could be as small as seeing some stranger as you enter a room. How could you have ever known that this one person would be different from all the rest - that your paths were be destined to cross more than this one time. It could be that time you listened to a song, unknowingly to you that this song would be the gateway of nostalgic memories that you would cherish till that final breath is exhaled. These are the moments that you fell in love, found the path you wanted to take, grew up from being a child or a teenager, or when grasped greatness and just failed to realize it until years later.

Sometimes it’s tragedy not knowing when these moments are happening. They can occur when we are at our lowest points and be the sign that things are about to change just as we lose all hope. They can happen when we want to give up and nothing seems like it’s going our way. They could even be happening at this very moment. These moments are so subtle that when they pass, it doesn’t feel any different when everything just changed. Sometimes I wonder when these moments occur, because these are the moments I want to appreciate. These are the moments that changed and defined everything.